As artists, generally speaking, we are in desperate need of self-love. Constant, consistent, need of nurture that keeps us motivated in our passion and art, because our creativity fuels our zest for life.
We often think about ways to feel fulfilled and happy, but those feelings can sometimes feel elusive. Why? Because we sometimes look for fulfillment in comfort—staying in our creative safe zones, avoiding the unknown, thinking that if life feels easier, we’ll feel better. We avoid doing tasks that are uncomfortable, and sometimes even convince ourselves that the discomfort might signal being unaligned of who, what, and where we’re meant to be.
Another reason that artists frame self-love as “rest” is because we’re more emotionally intense than most people and we need find ways to pace our emotional energy. And as much as emotional energy has to be one of our top skills to sharpen (because that’s simply how creativity finds and flows through us) self-love actually might need us to take a different approach rather than resting…
We often hear that self-love is about rest, comfort, and being gentle with ourselves when life feels overwhelming. And that’s true—there is so much value in nurturing yourself with kindness. But that can also lead to sabotaging yourself if it’s your go-to anytime you feel overwhelmed. There’s another layer to self-love that’s just as powerful and deeply fulfilling. It’s the kind of love that comes not from seeking comfort but from taking action and accomplishing something for yourself.
True self-love isn’t just about keeping ourselves comfortable; it’s also about making ourselves proud.
Research tells us that our brains crave evidence of self-love in the form of action. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal talks about how "self-compassion isn’t just about being kind to yourself in the moment; it’s about being committed to what’s best for you in the long term." When we achieve something, no matter how small, we’re telling our brains, I am worth this effort, and that’s where pride and love for ourselves really start to bloom.
Brianna Wiest, in her book The Mountain is You, touches on the psychology of self-sabotage, reminding us that we often avoid what challenges us because deep down, we fear failure. But avoiding those challenges keeps us in the same place—comfortable but unfulfilled. Wiest writes, “Your new life is going to cost you your old one.” In other words, stepping out of comfort into action is what helps us build the life and the self we desire.
Let’s be clear: comfort isn’t the enemy. There are times when we absolutely need to rest, recharge, and take it easy. But when comfort becomes our default, we miss out on the self-love that comes from growth and accomplishment.
The key is balance. Too much comfort can leave us feeling stagnant, while too much pushing can lead to burnout. But when we find the sweet spot—taking action toward our goals while being kind to ourselves along the way—that’s where real self-love flourishes.
One of the most important ways we love ourselves is by creating the life we want, and that happens through the patterns of our actions. We often think of identity as something we “find,” but in reality, it’s something we construct over time, brick by brick, through every decision we make. With each small or big achievement, we shape who we are and how we see ourselves.
I’ve always been a go-getter since I knew I wanted to pursue a career in arts. I knew I’d have to work hard to carve my path since no one would hand me opportunities for free. But ever since moving here to the U.S. last December, I’ve felt such an immense vulnerability that I often placed myself in the passenger seat. The thing is, being passive made me feel unsatisfied in many areas of my life. Especially socially, where I knew I’d have to put myself out there to connect with people. I decided to start working from a coffee shop. I’m naturally shy and tend to work alone, so making the shift to a public space was daunting. But I set a goal for myself: to get out of my comfort zone and build connections in my new community. I always hear about people finding their best friends at work, and since I work remotely, my workplace could be at a coffee shop I attended regularly.
At first, it felt uncomfortable, but over time, something wonderful happened. I actually met new great friends, built meaningful connections, and to my surprise, I became more productive than I had anticipated! Being in a coffee shop doesn’t allow for the distractions I have at home.
As Wiest says, “You are not a problem to solve, but a person to grow.” And through each action we take—whether it’s creating a new piece of art, meeting a deadline, or simply showing up for ourselves in the way we promised—we grow into the person we’re meant to be.
As artist and published author of Eat, Pray, Love Elizabeth Gilbert once said, “You are what you practice.” By practicing action, we practice love.
So, if you’ve been feeling stagnant and less fulfilled in yourself, I dare you to take any small step can you take today that your future self will thank you for. Whether it’s starting that new project, taking a walk, responding to a DM or an email, or trying something new, remember that every step you take is an act of love toward the person you are becoming.
Because in the end, self-love is not just in the rest, but in the rise.
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